Finally her coddling parents put her on medication after the school demanded it, and I moved halfway across the country with friends. A month or so after moving, I was invited to a party by some new people, and who was there? You guessed it. I decided to finally deal with this once and for all and asked her why she was stalking me. She replied, “You didn’t care about me and ignored me. I don’t like that.” I told her to f*ck off ,that I wanted to be left alone, and quietly moved again, going completely underground this time. I avoided everyone from where we grew up. Ten years went by, and I slowly started visiting my old hometown to see family. Within a month she was living a block from me even though I hadn’t told anyone where I lived. Then I started getting crank calls at work. I had to change jobs. I spoke to the cops and because I can’t prove it’s her and she hasn’t physically attacked me they won’t do anything. It’s been twenty years of this sickness, and all because of a two-week relationship when I was fourteen. I hate her.

The second red flag was his insisting that I let him see me without makeup on. Not that I wear much makeup to begin with, just some foundation and mascara, but he proclaimed that my made-up face was a mask. That it was false, like I was perpetrating fraud. So I told him that I thought he wanted to date a woman who took pride in her appearance. That pride meant that I wanted to look my best when I saw him, and that I thought he would be happy about that. Yet he continued to push.

I’m no longer dating him. I’ve seen these red flags before, ignored them and wound up wasting a couple years of my life with a control freak. Never again.

The problem is that his boys don’t want to accept the divorce, and don’t want me around when they are with their father. I am extremely frustrated with the situation. He has told me that his boys come first and that he doesn’t want to cause them any more pain than they’ve already experienced. The fact that their mother has a new boyfriend who is fifteen years younger is painful enough.

I’ve expressed to my boyfriend that it hurts knowing that I can never have a weekend with him, but his boys use emotional blackmail to keep us apart. One has even threatened suicide if we were to spend time together. The emotional blackmail, however, doesn’t work on their mother–only on dad.

My boyfriend says that in a few years the boys will come to accept the situation and we can spend more time together then. He tells me that I need to be patient and accept the situation. And that this is God’s plan, and ultimately it’s God’s life, not his so there’s nothing he can do about it. He believes he’s kids’ lives are ruined because his ex-wife left the family, and that he’s doing the best he can. On the same token, he says that God has brought us together and that we are meant to be a couple.

He tells me that he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone, and that if I’m patient we will be together one day. He says that he treats me well, that he isn’t cheating on me and that he doesn’t go out drinking with the boys like most men do. My heart is telling me to stick with it and see this through, but my head is telling me no.

A month later I found out I was pregnant. When I got in touch with him and told him the news, he begged me to tell no one, saying he wasn’t ready to tell his kids or friends and that it would look bad for his business. He also told me that he had no money even though he just bought a half million dollar barn for his business and also bought some land, not to mention some pricey swag for his sons. He even had the nerve to question what kind of child we’d have given my “genetic material.” When I contacted him a week later to discuss child support he said “don’t call me, I’ll call you.” I now have a two month old and haven’t spoken to him since I was seven weeks pregnant. I’m still trying to track him down for support. Father of the year … right?

The problem is that these topics (getting engaged, listing his home for sale, my ultimatum) have triggered his anxieties because he has challenges with change and is prone to panic. He has told me that we will make this work, however, that I need to slow down and let him process it all. Meanwhile he has professed his undying love to both my daughter and me. On top of that, he doesn’t know why he is having such a hard time with this transition.

I recognize that this is bothering him immensely, and that he may have an anxiety and/or panic disorder, but I’m feeling impatient and extremely frustrated with him. I have suggested he discuss this with his doctor and get a medical evaluation and/or seek help from a therapist to deal with his anxieties because I won’t wait forever, but he’s done neither. My guess is he will choose no action, which is a decision in itself.

He continued emotionally abusing me til I left him two weeks before the wedding.

Months later when we broke up he admitted to me that he HAD met that girl in Montreal while we were together. He said he got her number at the bar but had only added her to Facebook after we broke up. So not only did he get her number while we were dating and talk with her over text, jumping at the chance to add her to Facebook when we broke up, he used fake proof of his innocence and convinced me that I was the one with trust issues. Total psychopathic behavior.