He’s never going to propose.

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I met my boyfriend five years ago. We are both 48 and have been married once before. He has no children, while I have a 9-year-old daughter. We’ve been discussing the idea of getting engaged, selling each of our houses and purchasing a new marital home together, in part because I’m not interested in continuing to live like a gypsy packing up and shuttling between the houses on the weekends while trying to function throughout the week as a single working mom of a grade-schooler. At this point, I’ve let him know that I love him and that we either need to take this next step together or I plan to make a change and will start dating other men who are interested in the same goal.

The problem is that these topics (getting engaged, listing his home for sale, my ultimatum) have triggered his anxieties because he has challenges with change and is prone to panic. He has told me that we will make this work, however, that I need to slow down and let him process it all. Meanwhile he has professed his undying love to both my daughter and me. On top of that, he doesn’t know why he is having such a hard time with this transition.

I recognize that this is bothering him immensely, and that he may have an anxiety and/or panic disorder, but I’m feeling impatient and extremely frustrated with him. I have suggested he discuss this with his doctor and get a medical evaluation and/or seek help from a therapist to deal with his anxieties because I won’t wait forever, but he’s done neither. My guess is he will choose no action, which is a decision in itself.

He’s a condescending know-it-all.

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My fiancee and I were discussing our upcoming honeymoon to Africa. He had a very annoying habit of constantly quizzing me about everything. He demanded that I name every country in Africa that I could, as if I was a 7 year old and he was my tutor. When I could only name 3 countries, he kept saying “try harder! Come on, think, don’t be stupid,” in a patronizing tone. After I got fed up and screamed that I didn’t know anymore, he told me that I should be ashamed of myself. I was so hurt, and told him he was rude. He repeated over and over that I should be ashamed, and needed to go back to school because he learned all this in the 1st grade. I started crying and he said, “sorry but it’s true, I’d be ashamed if I were you.” Then he laughed and told me not to worry, that I could learn all the countries before we went there if I “worked really hard.”

He continued emotionally abusing me til I left him two weeks before the wedding.

He tricks you into thinking you have trust issues.

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I was looking through my then boyfriend’s friends list on Facebook (obviously I was suspicious), and noticed a French girl whom he had no mutual friends with. My suspicion was that he had met her on a trip with the guys to Montreal months earlier. I casually asked how he knew her and he became extremely defensive and weird about it. I said that I knew he had met her when he went to Montreal with his guy friends and to talk to me when he felt like being honest. I just knew deep down that he was guilty as charged. He denied it fervently, calling me crazy and sending me nasty text messages. He even sent me a link to their “facebook friendship” page showing that he had added her while we had been briefly separated. I was shocked that I had misjugded the situation and apologized, and he told me I needed to work on my “trust issues” and stop invading his privacy. He was then cold and distant toward me for two whole weeks, it was torture.

Months later when we broke up he admitted to me that he HAD met that girl in Montreal while we were together. He said he got her number at the bar but had only added her to Facebook after we broke up. So not only did he get her number while we were dating and talk with her over text, jumping at the chance to add her to Facebook when we broke up, he used fake proof of his innocence and convinced me that I was the one with trust issues. Total psychopathic behavior.

He shares your personal information with his entire family.

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When I first started dating my ex I confessed to him the very personal, humiliating and private information that I had an STD. He said that he still wanted to date me and sleep with me, and that everything would be fine. I was relieved. Until one day he decided he couldn’t “bear the burden alone” and confided this information in his mother (he was 24 at the time, mind you). This evil woman then told him that if I was ever to be allowed back into their home he would have to also tell his dad and two brothers. Which he did. And then had me over without me knowing this went on and let me feel the burning wrath of his mother’s silent treatment. I dumped him the day he told me what was going on.

He secretly records your sexy Skype talks.

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While my ex-boyfriend and I were in a long-distance relationship I agreed to occasionally indulge him with some inappropriate Skype video shows. All was going well until I found out that he had been secretly videotaping these sessions without my permission. He had even searched for software that could be used to videotape someone without his or her consent, and had done so multiple times.

When I found out, I told him that it was over between us because I felt like he (1) didn’t respect me and (2) that he felt entitled to view my body whenever he pleased (and he clearly knew that I wouldn’t be okay with him taping me since he neglected to ask my permission). He apologized profusely, cried, send me gifts, letters, poems––the works. He told me the reason he taped me without my knowing was because he’d rather look at me than porn.