He’s all about the sex.

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The 30 year old guy that I just broke up with after three months of dating had so many red flags, here are a few:

On our first date, we were making out on his couch and he begged to go in the bedroom. I made it clear I wasn’t going to have sex on the first date, but he took his pants off anyway, exposing himself to me because it was “easier to make out.”

Week two, he let me use his laptop and his most recently closed web tabs were “Casual Encounters” on Craiglist and POF.

The first time we got into a fight, we still hadn’t had sex yet he felt the need to ask me if I wanted to hear about the best make up sex he ever had with his ex.

Tried to break up with me when things were going great for three weeks because we hadn’t had sex yet. When I told him that I had respect for myself and wasn’t easy, he stayed reassuring me that he was a good catholic, but made it clear he had expected to be having sex after a week of dating because that’s how long he usually weights.

The first time we had sex, immediately after we finished he told me that it was his “first time” in seven months.

When it became clear I was ending the relationship- he told me for days he couldn’t talk to me because he wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with it, cried his eyes out when we actually did, sobbed about how much he’d miss me, then said he wasn’t sexually attracted to me anymore, and that we’d revisit this.

He’s a total perv at work.

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I dated a guy who told me that he went commando to work and that when hot girls walked by his desk he had to put his “hard on” in the waistband of his pants. Yeah. Turned out he was known at work for being a creeper and that a few girls in his office had gone to HR to report him for harassment.

He seems into the relationship, but then again kind of not.

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I’ve been dating the same guy for a year. I’m 27 and he’s ten years older. While I feel like the relationship is going pretty good and he seems into it, he still refuses to make our situation more serious. He’s stalling the natural progression of commitment. I just don’t get it. I spend all of my time at his place, which he’s happy with, we get along great and we both would benefit financially from living together, but he thinks it’s a ‘bad idea.’

He also has a very hard time saying ‘I love you.’ He never says it first and rarely says it back. I really don’t say ‘I love you’ very often, but once when I did say it he’s actual response was “please don’t start a fight.” It’s strange because by his other actions he does seem very into me and the relationship. I’d like it to work out but I can’t figure out what to do.

He’s a total head case.

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I recently had started seeing my next door neighbor—that in itself seemed like it could be trouble if it didn’t work but the convenience of it seemed so great to me!

We started seeing each other almost every night and spending the night almost each time. He asked to be “exclusive” but with no title as BF/GF until we got to know each other better. Another issue: as soon as I say something he doesn’t like, could been a word used incorrectly or him just going off of an assumption, he will not talk to me anymore. Then, a few days later he comes back around. However, after a recent episode, we had a very nice long conversation and determined it was all a lack of miscommunication and we would talk about everything to avoid situations like that happening again…which was great!

Then, I brought up the topic of sex… another thing he doesn’t like to talk about. His sex drive is low for someone who has been single for two years (plus, I’m 11 years younger than him). His excuse has been, “I’ve gotten use to not having it, I will have to build up my stamina.” That night became another “misunderstanding” and he didn’t want to talk about it, so I left and went home (which is just upstairs). I texted him later and out of nowhere he tells me: “You know what? I’ll be the bad guy and you can blame me for us not working out…I’m sorry I hurt you and sorry I wasted your time.”

I’m confused. When he talked about his future it was “we” — his actions for the most part and his words seemed like he really wanted this to work and go somewhere. So, why does he keep just dropping me out of nowhere and make me feel so disposable?

He’s not putting the effort in.

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I’ve been dating a guy for almost two years. We have a lot in common and enjoy one another’s company. My family and friends generally approve of him. I’m divorced with a nine-year-old son. My boyfriend has never been married, doesn’t have kids and hasn’t been in many long-term relationships. While he used to get jealous when I spent time with my kid, he’s matured a lot recently and has even made an effort to bond with my son. We live 30 miles apart. Whenever I don’t have my son, I make the trip to his house. However, he’s lazy and makes excuses as to why he can’t come my direction. Despite the fact that he hardly ever comes to me, he complains that we don’t see enough of each other. I’ve asked him to move closer but he says the rent is too high. I’m frustrated and think he doesn’t want to put effort into our relationship. On top of all this, he rarely expresses his feelings and often won’t return an “I love you” because he says it makes him vulnerable and gives me the power to hurt him. Any suggestions for how to deal with this?